


Piece By Piece

by DeadlyKittenKay (PrettyBlueIz)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Castiel/Dean Winchester, Grieving, Happy Ending, M/M, mentioned sabriel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-16
Updated: 2017-02-16
Packaged: 2018-09-24 21:15:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9787277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrettyBlueIz/pseuds/DeadlyKittenKay
Summary: There has been a death in the family. One that while doesn't surprise, doesn't hurt. How will Castiel come to terms with his conflicted heart?





	

**Author's Note:**

> Here is my entry for the "Hey Sweetheart" collection. 
> 
> I'm sorry for the drama (not really though) you can blame [Kelly Clarkson](https://youtu.be/LqCqYP7hDWI) and all the Valentine's day fluff for that.  
> This is unbeta'd and about 90% written on my phone so I am **truly** sorry for any errors you find. Autocorrect hates me.

 

Dean unlocked the front door, tossing his keys into the bowl by the door. He smiled at the squealing laughter of his daughters as they ran through the house. He kneels down bracing himself for the onslaught to come.

“Daddy!” the girls cry in unison. 

“Princess Emma! Princess Claire!” he spreads his arms wide, catching the girls and placing a kiss first on blonde hair then on dark brown curls.

“Dada’s sad,” Claire says, pulling back slightly to look her father in the eye. Dean’s green eyes look back at breathtaking blue, the worry clear even in her six years of age.

Dean looks at Emma, who is nodding her head in agreement. The motion making her curls bounce around the shoulders of the golden costume dress she’s wearing. “Did you two do everything you were told?”

Claire rolls her eyes while Emma huffs, “We didn’t do it!”

“Alright, aright. Why is Dada sad?” Both girls shrug as someone clears their throat grabbing Dean’s attention. Dean looks up to see his brother-in-law, Gabriel, with a solemn look on his face as he nods into the direction of the kitchen.

“Girls, how about you go back to the castle and make Dada a picture. You know how much he loves your pictures.”

“Good idea, Daddy!” Emma beams and grabs her sister’s hand, dragging her back to the direction they came from.

“Where’s Sammy?” Dean asks Gabriel once the girls are out of earshot.

“He had to go to the office. He’ll be back later with my overnight bag.” Dean pauses from undoing the laces of his work boots to raise an eyebrow at his brother-in-law. Gabriel sighs and rolls his eyes. “Like it or not, you married my cousin. He’s the closest thing I have to a little brother and he needs you to not be a douche for once.”

“Well, don’t be a giant bag of dicks,” Dean says with the sweetest smile he could muster.

“Seriously, Dean-o. The crap that went down with us was nearly ten years ago. You were a best man at my freaking wedding!”

Dean drops his boots with an unnecessary thump. “I did that for Sammy. Where’s Cas?”

Gabriel sighed, deciding to pick his battles especially when it came to the stubborn, over protective Winchester. “In bed. We got some news today and as predicted, it’s hitting him hard.”

Dean starts to head to the staircase when Gabriel grabs his arm. “Dean, please tread lightly.”

Dean searches the shorter man’s face, trying to get an idea as to what he’s about to encounter. “Girls,” he calls out, keeping his eyes locked to the golden brown of Gabe’s.

“Yes Daddy?” Claire answers.

“Uncle Gabe is king tonight. Listen to him and do as he says. Daddy needs to take care of Dada tonight.”

Gabriel drops his hand, his face full of gratitude as he mouths thank you. Dean gives him a nod before climbing the stairs two at a time. When he reaches the bedroom door, he slowly opens it, not sure what to expect without any context as to what this news received was. 

“Cas?” Dean asks softly, his eyes adjusting to the dim room. He hears, rather than see, Castiel in bed. Once his eyes have adjusted he can see the wild dark hair of his husband poking out from under their blanket.

Dean shrugs his leather coat off and tosses it on the arm chair before climbing next to his husband in bed. Castiel scoots closer to Dean, sniffling as if he had been crying.

“Cas?” Dean asks, the worry in his voice clear to even him. He reaches for the bedside lamp, blinking a few time as the room floods with the light before he wraps his arm around the bundled figure, using his other hand to pull the blanket back.

His husband squints his eyes at the intrusion. The usually bright blue eyes are dark and streaked red. His eyes are puffy and swollen and the tear tracks are evident. “Dean?” he asks, as if he wasn’t seeing clearly.

“It’s me sweetheart,” Dean replies softly, moving his arm from Cas’ middle to cup his face and wipe away the tears gathered under his eyes. “Do you want to talk about what’s got you so upset?”

Castiel shakes his head and nuzzles his face against Dean’s neck. He takes a deep, shaky breath. “I missed you,” he says softly.

“I missed you too,” Dean responds, placing a soft kiss on top of rumpled hair. He knows better than to point out that he was only at work. He knew the signs of Castiel’s depression and his fears of abandonment tend to show more so when he's having a low day.

Dean's not sure how long they lay there,  Cas wrapped in his arms, clutching Dean's shirt in his first. Every now and then Castiel’s tears stop and he breathing evens out. Sleep doesn't last long and fresh tears fall, breaking Dean's heart to see his husband in this state. 

There's two uneven knocks at the door and Dean smiles at the sound. “The girls want to come in. Wanna say goodnight?”

Castiel nods and starts to pull away, making room for their twin girls. 

“I love you,” Dean says, just above a whisper but loud enough that Castiel looks at him with a small smile.

Cas leans towards Dean, gently pressing their lips together in a soft chaste kiss. “Love you.” Castiel’s voice is hoarse from crying and going unused. 

The knocks sound again, followed by Gabe’s voice warning the girls not to wake up Cas. Dean bites back a laugh as Castiel rolls his eyes. 

“Come in girls,” both Dean and Cas call out. A flurry of blonde and brown bound in, jumping on to the bed. Claire immediately clings to Castiel, laying her head on his chest and looking at Dean. Emma simply crawls between them after nearly nut-checking Dean and grabs Cas’ hands. 

“Are you feeling better, Dada?” Emma asks. 

Castiel smiles at her and presses his lips to her forehead. “I am now, Em.”

“Emma and me wanna stay with you and Daddy. We think it's better cause when daddy's sleeping, we can watch over you.” Clarie, their type A child, says with so much conviction in her voice that Dean wonders if she got that from Cas. 

“I don't know girls-” Dean starts. 

“Please Daddy,” the girls beg. Dean looks at his husband for help. 

“They'll be asleep first,” is his response. 

“No we-” Claire starts to interject but had to stop to yawn. “-won't.”

Emma rolls to her side, facing Dean, her eyes already closed. Dean sighs and gets off the bed. “Yes,” he says and points to Claire. “Any kicking and I'm putting you on your bunk. Got it squirt?”

Claire nods and grins climbing over Cas to lay next to her sister where she immediately wraps her arms around her in a protective manner. 

Dean gets a change of pants, since he was still in his jeans, and walks to Castiel’s side of the bed. “I'm gonna shower but I'll be back.”

Castiel pushes himself up onto his elbows. “I'm sorry,” he says. 

The bed dips with Dean's weight as he sits next to Cas. “Why? You have nothing to apologize for. I'm not mad. I'm just worried, Cas.”

Castiel nods and balances himself on the arm farthest from his husband so that he can pull Dean close to him. Dean sees the way Cas’ eyes go to his lips and knows what he wants. Closing the distance, Dean moves his mouth over Castiel’s, nipping gently in the way he knows the other man loves. Normally this would be greeted by a moan or gasp then more pressure but instead he hears girlish giggles and feels the smile on his husband's lips making Dean reluctantly pull away. 

When Dean is freshly showered he finds the girls passed out and Castiel close behind them. Quietly as he can, Dean slips under the covers and lays his arm over Emma, his fingers brushing against Castiel’s who had his arm over Claire.

“Thank you,” Castiel's voice breaks the silence.

“Again, Cas, you don't have to thank me.”

Castiel tangles his fingers with Dean’s. “You won't leave them. Everyday you show them what a good father is.” he gives a small sad chuckle, the sound making Dean wish the girls were in their own bed. “And for some reason, only God knows why, you still love me.”

“Cas, loving you, it's like breathing.” Dean says honestly and if the way his husband's eyebrows jump is any indication, Castiel is just as surprised as Dean is with his romantic omission.

“Remember that time you came to Chicago to save me?” Dean nods, remembering the way Castiel sounded on the phone and how his worry for the man he was falling in love with trumped his fear of flying.

“That wasn't the first time my father left me at an airport.” Dean gives Cas an encouraging squeeze, mainly to fight back his anger. To this day, the image of Castiel sitting in the middle of the airport terminal, curled around himself under his size too big trench coat as if he was trying to hide from the world, was enough to make his blood boil.

“The first time,” he pauses to press a kiss to both of the sleeping girls between them. “I was their age. Chuck, Luke and I were flying from Chicago to Vegas to visit our aunt Amara’s family.”

“Gabe, Michael and Hannah?” Dean asks, naming off Castiel’s cousins.

Cas nods. “Apparently he wasn't ready to be a father to a juvenile delinquent and the medical anomaly.” Dean opened his mouth to counter what Castiel said about himself and his brother but keep quiet as his husband continued. “Of course Amara and the kids knew this was a permanent transition. Now that I look back at it and the way Luke had made sure I had things he knew I couldn't live without and how he would say he was being cast out, Luke knew what was happening. I was completely blindsided, Dean.”

“I remember Gabe, clutching me in his gangly eight year old arms as I screamed for Chuck. I told him I was sorry. That I would never get sick again.  That it was okay for me to have half my heart missing. And h-he just walked away. Like we were nothing more to him.”

“I spent the next fifteen years trying to fill this figurative and literal broken heart, trying to make something of myself while looking for him to come home. Then I met you. Loving, strong, kind, compassionate you.” Cas frees up his hand from Dean's and places it on Dean's cheek. Dean moves his head to press his lips against Castiel's palm in a soft kiss.”

When Cas moves his hand to Dean's hip, he sighs and closes his eyes. “He's being buried in the family plot. I would like to say goodbye.”

“Of course, Cas.”

************

Castiel had dressed in his navy suit with cobalt blue tie. Both the tie and his trench coat flapped with the chilly autumn air. He found the Shurely family plots easily, after all he had seen been to visit his mother before and had shown Dean where Cas would have been before him.

He stopped two feet in front of the the memorial stone. White marble with a onyx inlay held the information strangers would want to know. Her name, her time on earth and that she was a loving daughter, sister, wife, mother and friend. The stone angel, crafted by hand sits on it’s knees behind the memorial and drapes itself in morning of it’s fallen charge. Castiel’s parents had both been fascinated with all things angels and Chuck had spared no expense when Marisa had lost her battle with cancer. At such as young age, Castiel didn’t understand why his father was doing these things. When he was a young adult, he despised that his father had been so ostentatious with the memorial, but now, as a husband and father in his own right, his heart breaks for the man he barely knew.

Castiel lets out a heavy breath as he wills himself to move closer. He squats down and starts to pick at the fallen leaves that scatter above his mother’s final resting place, knowing that the motion was pointless as they were days from the first of Chicago’s seasonal snow to start showing. He just can’t help the nervousness as he does the actions to sooth himself.

“I’m sorry it’s been over ten years since I’ve come to visit, mother.” he takes the last leaf and twirls it between his thumb and index finger, watching the swirls of orange, yellow, and red blend together. “It’s been…” he trails off, trying to find the right words.  _ Crazy, hectic, stressful, whirlwind.  _ Each word perfectly describes a memory that is triggered with each vignette.

“Heavenly,” he whispers, finally deciding on the appropriate word. “I know I told you about Dean. The strange guy in my art history class. The one that looked like he belonged either on the runway or in the pits at the Daytona 500?” Cas smiles at the memory of how one class, Dean had run in ten minutes late, his hair still wet from his shower, grease stains on his jeans, smelling like the orange grit used to clean off paint and motor oil. 

“He asked me to marry him, mom.” Cas moves closer, tucking his coat under him to protect the seat of his pants from the damp Earth as he sits. “It wasn’t romantic or earth shattering,” he chuckles. “But my God mom, it was so perfectly Dean and that in itself made it the best proposal ever.” It had been a few weeks after Dean’s rescue trip to Illinois. The pair had been lounging on the couch watching sports. More like Dean was watching and Cas was just being with him, soaking up his warmth, love and joy. Dean’s team had scored and while Dean cheered, Cas had yelled goal, knowing that it wasn’t a soccer game. Dean had laughed and tackled Castiel against the couch, threatening to never let him up until he knew the difference between American Football and Football. When Castiel went to point out that this wasn’t as big of a threat as Dean had made it, Dean asked him point blank to marry him. No preamble, no confession of undying love. Just a simple ‘Marry me, Cas.’

“He makes me so happy mom. He loves me. He takes care of me. He helps me grow into a better person. He fights away the demons and sometimes he’s right there fighting with me.” He picks at a dandelion, careful not to displace its white fluffy bloom. “We fight, of course. Who doesn’t? But we never go to our bed angry. We always kiss and make-up and we always keep it away from the girls.

“We have twins mom. Hannah carried them for us. Claire Marie and Emma Lynn Winchester. Claire is the oldest by ten minutes with blonde hair like her Grandma Mary and everything like me. She gets the Winchester genetics from Dean’s cousin Jo. Emma has our hair mom. Dark and waves. Dean’s beautiful green and gold eyes and his mischievous side. I’m so thankful to both Hannah and Jo for doing that. To have these two little girls, a physical representation of the love Dean and I share, it should make the Heavens sing.”

“And the best part? He is such a good father to those girls. I don’t know what I ever did to deserve him but I swear it was like I was half a person before him.”

Castiel puts his attention back to the dandelion in his fingers and gently blows at the bloom, watching at the white spores float away in the breeze. “I know I don’t know you well mom, but I miss you everyday. Don’t be two angry at Dad. I honestly don’t think he knew how to live without you in his life.” With that he presses a kiss to two fingers before pressing them against the nameplate of the memorial.

Castiel stands up, brushing himself off and finally brings his line of sight to the second inlay. This one brandishing his father’s information. He swallows back the bile in his throat as he reads the words “loving father”.

“I cried for you. That day you walked away the first time. I was so scared. We had just lost mom and then you left.” Castiel shakes his head. “I don’t know why I was so surprised when you did it again when I was twenty-one. The least you could have done was given me an explanation instead of telling me I wasted my money coming to see you.”

“I cried the night Gabe told me you had died. But I didn’t cry for you. I cried for my family, the family that you never got to know and will never get to know you. You didn’t just walk out on me and Luke. You walked out on Dean and the girls.”

“The last ten years, Dean has been there. He doesn’t walk away, he doesn’t ask for money. He has been filling every damned hole you left in me since I was six years old. He’s shown me how a father is supposed to love his children. He taught me to love myself, even when I don’t think I deserve it.”

“Piece by piece, he’s helped me to restore my faith. I’m sorry you’ll never meet the amazing man I love. I’m sorry you’ll never meet our beautiful children. And I forgive you.”

Castiel turned his back to the gravestone and started the path back to the roadway. He felt as if a weight was lifted from his shoulders. A burden he had carried for over twenty years, completely gone. 

Once the black pavement blends in with his shoes, Castiel looks up to see Dean leaning against his Impala. He looks so different than he did when they met. He’s gone soft around the midsection - something Dean despises - and his hair is a bit longer now. He still wears the boots, jeans and flannel, but the lumberjack look suits him.

Dean pulls his hands out of the army green coat and pushes himself off the grill of the car. “Everything okay, sweetheart?”

Castiel smiles and embraces Dean tightly. “Perfect.”

 


End file.
